parkmerced:

That’s one steep hill in SF. San Francisco, CA

arrogantdad:

my mom told me that in high school she use to get boyfriends at the beginning of February so they had enough time to get her a valentines day gift and then break up with them the day after and just keep the gift and one day she told her parents about it and they made her keep her boyfriend at least until the end of February and so she did and that boy is now my dad

  • me: hey whats up....................slime man
  • girl: do you have a signature on your texts or something
  • me: no..........................slime man

narwhal-noir:

I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”

lifestyleoftheunemployed:

How to Quit Your Job
gabrielabilhalva:

 

assume:

finishing a bottle of shampoo and conditioner at the same time is the biggest achievement of my life